Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Ann Coulter Fun Facts

Ann Coulter Fun Facts


NOTE: This is a work of fiction. None of this is meant to be mistaken for the truth in any way shape or form.

Stephen King wrote children's books before briefly dating Ann Coulter in the early seventies. "Carrie" is loosely based on their second date.


Every time Ann Coulter smiles, a piece of Arctic ice splits off and falls into the ocean.


If a mother tells her child to finish supper or the boogeyman will get him, the child finishes supper. If she replaces the word "boogeyman" with "Ann Coulter" the child eats the plate too, just to be safe.


Godwin's Law originally stated that whoever made a comparison to either Hitler or making love to Ann Coulter would automatically lose the debate. Later, however, her name was struck from the law, because they found that the projectile vomiting was incentive enough.


In her spare time, Ann Coulter sneaks into childrens' homes and replaces their Monopoly game "Get out of jail free" cards with "Go to Hell free" cards.


Santa Claus WAS real — until he visited Ann Coulter's house.


The electric chair was invented at the request of recently paroled convicts whose parole officer was Ann Coulter. When reminded that they were already out of jail, each replied with, "Just shut up and help me plug this thing in already."



Ann Coulter is the reason television manufacturers invented the mute button. It was only named "mute" after they realized that "The only way to make Ann Coulter shut the hell up" wouldn't fit on the remote control.



Ann Coulter first tried to become famous the same way as Paris Hilton — by shooting a homemade porn video. Sadly, this was before the Internet, and she couldn't find a distributor. She ended up having to sell the rights to the Japanese, who renamed it "Godzilla" and went on to make millions.



Ann Coulter was the original choice for the part of Hedwig in "Hedwig and the Angry Inch"; they changed their minds, however, and went with John Cameron Mitchell, after the original test audience unanimously recommended they change the word "Inch" in the title to "Foot and a Half".



I hope that Chuck Norris doesn't kick my ass for this.

:-)




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